Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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