Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
