you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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