Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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