Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
