its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
