"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
