So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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