I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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