Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
