sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
