yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
