he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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