When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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