Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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