Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think I won the penis lottery.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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