we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I forget how to act sober
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
