The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
