I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
