Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
