Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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