there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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