Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
