you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
