six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
