Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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