Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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