guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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