he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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