threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
