S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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