Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
