why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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