i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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