News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
