let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
