When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's like God shit irony all over that family
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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