Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
