sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
