I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
