You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
