His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
