Can Purell be used as lube?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
