96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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