after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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