i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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