i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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