he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
