At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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