i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
