3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
